And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
