u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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