I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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