You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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