It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
