she woke up with a sticky ear
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
