I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
