Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
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