i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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