Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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