Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
