Cold hands, warm shart.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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