You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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