So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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