I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
