So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
