we have pet lesbian snakes
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
did you just send me my own nude
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
