Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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