Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
