Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
