I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
