Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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