Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
