they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
