didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
This baby is an asshole
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
