Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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