The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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