I think I died a long time ago.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
