I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
