The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
