put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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