You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
