i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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