Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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