if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
