making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
