she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
