okay pat passed out under dana's car
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
