You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
