sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
