My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
