I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
