I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Randomize
