literally had 100 drinks last night.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
