Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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