alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
