Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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