Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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