I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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