well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
two words: eviction party
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
