Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
