She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
