I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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