He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
